When families split up, it’s often the children who suffer most, and so adults need to be very careful when dealing with the situation. Whether you realise it or not, the breakdown of your marriage could affect the little ones for many years in ways not completely obvious at the moment, and so doing everything you can to avoid this eventuality is paramount. With that in mind, this article has been written in an attempt to give you some great advice that could help you to stay together. For the most part, differences can be worked out without all the arguing and upset you might expect, and in truth, it all comes down to how much effort you’re willing to put in.
I grew up in a broken home myself, so I know first hand how upsetting and confusing it can be for a small child. Obviously, if your partner is violent or a danger to either you or the kids, you should get out of there at the first possible opportunity, and this means getting legal representation. While you could spend weeks searching the internet for the perfect solicitor to assist you through this, I’ll save you some time by saying you should check out Breens Online for more info. On the flipside though, if you’re just getting on each other’s nerves, there are better ways of dealing with the situation, some of which I’m going to point out right now.
Be Honest About Your Feelings
You might find it difficult to speak about your feelings without the situation becoming heated, especially if you’re quite a private person. Even so, your partner might not realise how much of an effect all this squabbling is having on your emotional state, and so it’s vital you discuss it with them immediately. You never know; they could apologise straight away and do their best to make amends. If they don’t, perhaps asking them to do the same will give you a better insight into the reason for this.
Spend Time Together As A Family
Sometimes we drift apart from people because our lives become too separated. Your partner may have worked locally when you first got together, but now they might have to spend the majority of their week away from home. Whatever the reason, you need to bridge that gap and set some time aside for family matters. Even if you can only manage this at the weekends, taking a trip to museums or places of interest could help you to forget about your problems and enjoy each other’s company once more. If you wanted to go one step further and book a life changing holiday, that too could provide a remedy.
Remove Yourself From The Situation Temporarily
When things become really heated, sometimes the best way to keep your cool is to remove yourself from the situation. However, if you do this, make sure you emphasise that you’re not ending the relationship, but just taking a day or two out to clear your head and work out what’s important. This is a completely normal thing to do, and we could all benefit from it at some point in our lives. Explain that to your partner, and they should understand. Maybe it would be wise to visit a family member for the evening? Or perhaps you’d calm down better if you spent a weekend with friends?
Apologise For Your Mistakes
We all say things we don’t mean during arguments, and we all make mistakes at one time or another during our lives. It’s our ability to apologise and accept accountability that makes us good people. So, regardless of how offensive and unreasonable your partner may have been, identifying your own faults and owning up to mistakes you’ve made could be all that’s needed to inspire them to do the same. It’s easy to place the blame solely at your partner’s door, but as we all know, it takes two to tango.
Strive To Be A Good Person
Just because your partner seems unable to rise above silly arguments and display self respect doesn’t mean you should follow suit. If things are really bad and you can’t see an alternative to breaking up, just concentrate on being a good person. This could completely turn the situation on its head. At the end of the day, if you stop arguing and start being polite, it will be difficult for the other party to continue. I believe the older generation would call this leading by example.
Remember The Good Times
As there are children involved in this relationship, you must have enjoyed each other’s company at some time in the past, right? Well then, now is the perfect time to get those old photographs out and spend an evening with your partner remembering how good life was a few years ago. When it comes to settling your differences, this could be the catalyst that allows change to occur. Perhaps you’ve got lots of exciting memories of holidays you took together, or maybe your wedding snaps would do the job? Only you know.
Tell Each Other Why You Feel In Love
Admittedly, this one could backfire as the reason for you falling in love might not relate to anything currently in your lives. However, if you simply couldn’t resist your partners smile, or you found them to be exceptionally funny back in those days, letting them know could lighten the mood somewhat. Obviously, they should reply with their reasons too, and this might be enough for you both to gain more perspective on your situation at the moment.
So there you have it my troubled friends. You should always try to work hard at any relationship you’re in, especially if you’ve had children. When it’s all said and done, if there really is no possible way of rekindling your love for one another, then at least you know what to do. The experts are there to help in situations like this, and they’ll be very supportive during your divorce, so don’t be afraid of contacting them. Just make sure you’re 100% certain it’s the right thing to do.
My thoughts are with you.
Image: Linda Tanner on Flickr.